Wednesday, June 30, 2004
some things i wanna point out..
1) sincerity
IYLIA @ 5:45 PM;
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
hey ppl..ive typed dis out aft readin e bk and so..if u ppL haf e free time, u can read it.. duh!! and all e characters are fictitious..im sure of dat.. so yar.. i copied it fr e book..i hope no one gets angry wif me.. cos i did nothin wrong.. and some parts i summarised myself while some i copied fr e book..so yea.. i blief..u ppL out dere are clever enuf to differenciate them..so yea..and aniways..there are errors here and there..but i cant find e time to change em.. so just try and figure it out yea..enjoy readin..cos i noe i did..
Sharing Sam
by Katherine Applegate
The Review
Alison Chapman has always believed she'd fall in love hard. And she does-with Sam Cody, a new guy with a gorgeous face and brooding eyes, a guy who's impossible to resist. When Sam asks her to the Valentine's Day dance, Alison is elated...until she finds out that her best friend, Isabella Cates-Lopez, has fallen for Sam, too...until she finds out Isabella is dying. Now Alison wants Isabella's last days to be her happiest ever-even if she and Sam have to hide their love. Even if, by sharing Sam, Alison risks losing him forever.
Chapter 1
This chapter introduces Sam Cody. He was riding his Harley when his tyres busted, crashing him. Alison comes to the rescue. Sam rejected Alison's offer to ride him home and so they parted. Alison hoped that Sam would survive home because she had the insane feeling she was in distinct danger of falling in love.
Chapter 2
As I untacked Snickers in the little barn behind our house, I got rational about the encounter with Sam, I want to be a biologist, and biologists are big on logic. Scientific method and all that. What data did I have about Sam, when you got down to it? That he was from somewhere else. That he showed evidence of a death wish, or at least bad judgement. The Harley, the hitching, the smoking. Not good, but still, it wasn't like he was wrestling alligators at Gator World.
He was in some advanced classes, like Izzy and me, which meant he probably had some smarts, not that I'd seen too much evidence of it. And I'd heard he was cutting classes already. More not good.
On the up side, he wasn't bad looking.
Okay, so maybe that was an understatement. Maybe he was startlingly, breathtakingly, mind-bogglingly good-looking. Plus, he carried pocket Kleenex and had kissed my horse.
I buried my face in the smooth warmth of Snickers' name. Not much to go on. Kleenex and a kiss, and not even my kiss. Not even an intraspecies kiss.
Still, something had happened out there on the highway. The kind of something that felt remarkably like the early stages of the flu. Churning insides, liquid knees, that sort of things.
It could be the flu, I conceded. Or it could be that I was actually, finally, me of all people, falling in love.
I was certain what falling in love would be like. Love arrived with bells and whistles and flashing lights sort of like when the fire alarm at school goes off during a math quiz. I mean, you know it's happened. And you want it to happen, bad. And I'd always known that when I fell in love, it would be just that-a fall, a parachute jump out of an airplane, a bungee-cord swan dive off the Skyline Bridge to Tampa.
I'd never actually bungeed, mind you (hey, I'm not insane), but the way my stomach was pinballing around, I was pretty sure this was how it would feel.
But I was having second thoughts. I'd always assumed that when I fall in love, it would be (a) be with Lance Potts, or some reasonable facsimile thereof, and (b) not be with a guy who smoked, crashed bikes, and may or may not have been the illegitimate son of Mick Jagger.
I was, as the school counselors like to say, conflicted.
I needed somebody to unconflict me.
I needed Izzy.
Science was what had brought Izzy and me together. We'd met at a summer programme at Mote Marine, a research lab in Sarasota. I was nine, she was eight, and we were the only participants, male or female, willing to handle a mud snake. Voila. Instant best friends.
Izzy (full name Isabella Cates-Lopez) was a brilliant, a real, live, certifiable genius. A Westinghouse semi-finalist who'd skipped her freshman year, a genetics whiz, the kind of person whose brain was so far into theoretical stuff trying to explain it to me was like discussing it with her cat. I was into ecology, species saving, hands-on science. She was theoretical, abstract, head-in-the-ozone.
But it wasn't like we were geeks, exactly. We were normal, nice-looking, red-blooded American high-school juniors who just happened to have been overlooked in the great paring lottery. Each of us knew her prince would come. We just figured they were taking the scenic route.
At that moment my ten-year-old sister appeared in the doorway. She expertly spun a basketball on her index finger. "You have the most disgusting grin on your face. Sort of like a stoned cow."
"Did Izzy called?" I asked. There was no point in responding to her. Sara was going through an obnoxious phase. Near as I could pinpoint, it had started sometime around conception.
"What am I, your social security?" Sara stroked Snickers' chin. "I was shooting hoops."
"She's probably still at the eye doctor," I said. I passed her Snickers' saddle. Sara scowled, but she dropped her basketball and took the saddle into the large storage room that doubled as a tack room.
"Izzy getting glasses?" Sara called.
"Not at this rate," I said. "She has these headaches, and she's gone to, like, three eye doctors, but Iz refuses to believe them when they say she needs glasses."
Sara returned and straddled a bench. "Can I take Snickers out for a while?"
"I just cooled her down, Sara." I led Snickers into her stall. "And you know the deal. You help with feeding and grooming her and mucking out her stall, you can ride her all you want, You don't, no deal."
She sat there practising her laser-guided hate looks, a shorter, ganglier version of me. Same light brown hair, same grey eyes, same sweet, wholesome looks that made grandmothers pinch my cheek and guys yawn. I didn't hate her they way she seemed to hate me, but then I wasn't ten, the age when you aren't afraid to say what you're really feeling. Around Sara I just felt ... well, confused. Usually, I had a pretty good instinct for what was going on in other people's heads. But communicating with my little sister was like trying to get through to an annoying, untrainable, occasionally vicious pet.
"Have I mention lately that I detest you, Al?" Sara said by way of good-bye.
I went to the tack room and settled on a trunk, breathing in the rich, sweet smell of leather and saddle soap. I pushed four, Izzy's speed-dial number on the portable phone. Lauren, Izzy's mom, answered. Izzy was at the library, she told me. Her voice was subdued, soft around the edges. I could hear sobbing in the background, punctuated by Spanish.
"Is that Rosa?" I asked, a flutter of worry in my stomach. Rosa was Izzy's Cuban aunt, who shared their waterfront condo.
"Yes, dear."
Lauren never called me "dear." It wasn't her style. "Is everything all right?"
"I have to go now. Isabella's at the library. You can talk to her there." A fresh wail in the background. "Really, now, I have to go."
I listened to the dial tone. Someone must have died, was all I could figure. One of Rosa's relatives in Cuba, maybe. Izzy's dad, a well-known fiction writer, had come to the United States from Cuba many years ago. Her mother, who'd edited his books for the U.S. markets, had helped arrange the whole thing. It was all very romantic, I thought. First to fall in love with his ideas, his words. Then him. Very bigger-than-life.
I grabbed the keys to the wagon and promised my mom I'd be back in time for dinner.
Way back when, my parents, who shared a thriving veterinary practice, had used the aging wagon for occasional emergencies. It had once even played ambulance for a goat who'd eaten a Tupperware tub full of lentil pilaf. It smelled a little rank, but I'd convinced my parents to keep it around as an extra family car. It wasn't the sexiest transportation on earth, but at least I had wheels.
The New College library was virtually empty; it was almost dinnertime. I found Izzy at her usual carrel, a nice corner spot without the distraction of a window view. She was hunched over, her long hair obscuring her face. I envied Izzy's beauty sometimes, the exotic darkness from her father, the fragile intensity from her mother. Her face was long, her eyes deep-set. She was tall, very tall, and elegant without being self-conscious. It was an intimidating beauty, one that seemed to keep guys at bay. Still, I would have given anything to slip into her skin for a day.
Piles of books, thick ones with wordy tittles, filled the carrel. I dropped my backpack on one of them. "Iz," I said, "what's the most bizarre thing on earth I could tell you?"
She looked up from a book. Her eyes were bloodshot. Drops at the ophthalmologist's, probably, but there was something else there that made me uneasy. "You've discovered a cure for cancer," she said.
"You okay, Iz? Is something going on, I mean? I called your house and I could have sworn I heard Rosa crying."
"She's always crying. She cries over that cotton commercial with all the old people."
"That's what I figured." I nodded at the books. "What's the deal? You're not doing some extra-credit stuff for Leach's class, are you? You're going to make the rest of us look like slugs."
"Just a little light reading." Her voice was not quite hers, I realised. It was like a message on an answering machine. I scanned the tittles. Principals and Practice of Clinical Oncology. The Merck Manual of Diagnosis and Therapy. Radiation and Chemotherapy: Therapeutic Advances.
Something began to coil inside me, tightening, twisting, hurting. "Iz?" I said. "What did the eye doctor say?"
Izzy closed her book. "What's the most bizarre thing on earth I could possibly tell you?" she said, and then she began to cry.
I drove Izzy to Turtle Beach, because the sun was going down and the ocean was quiet and it was the only I could think of to do.
We went to our usual spot, a gentle dune when we'd watched a loggerhead turtle lay her eggs in the glittering moonlight the previous May.
This was the place where we'd cried over bad grades and parental injustice and unrequited love. We'd discussed the eternal, slippery mysteries of the ages-Guys: Why Are They Such Weenies? We'd mapped out college. We'd planned our brilliant careers. We'd written our joint Nobel acceptance speech and named our children (Izzy liked Guinevere, but I figured it was just a phase).
We'd allowed for the occasional setback-the males who resisted women in science, the costs of our education, the juggling of multiple loves on multiple continents.
We'd just never thought to allow for brain cancer.
The sun boiled into the horizon. We buried our feet in the floury sand. Mostly we cried. We did not speak. There were too many questions, no answers.
Izzy finally broke the silence, laughing at two gulls fighting over a piece of seaweed.
At the sound of her deep laugh, I realised I was furious. "Why didn't you tell me?" I demanded in a choked voice. "You knew, Iz. You've been going for tests- you weren't going to an eye doctor. That time you got dizzy after PE and said it was your period .... You must have thought I was so stupid." I was babbling as tears rolled down my cheeks. "I was so stupid. You're my best friend, you jerk."
She turned her placid gaze on me. "Was there a complete thought in there somewhere?"
I felt terrible. Everything I said mattered. This would be the seen where I Found Out, and I'd blown it already, yelling at Izzy when she needed me. There could be other scenes, scenes at the hospital, chemo or radiation maybe, and I would have to handle them better. I wanted to do this right, to be there for her until she was okay again.
"God, I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm a jerk. I just started thinking about you worrying, with no one to talk to, and at least I could have worried with you."
"What point would there have been in both of us freaking?" Izzy asked calmly. "The first two doctors were telling me all kinds of things: it was nerves, it was stress, I needed glasses, I had flu. And then they did the EEG and the MRI and a bunch of other tests with multiple letters, and the were so long that I figured..." She shrugged. "There's still plenty of time to worry."
She watched the waves weaving in and out of each other. Then she looked at me, straight on. "Five or six months, anyway."
Five or six. Till summer, then. "You mean, six months until you're all better," I said, hoping I was right, knowing I wasn't.
She shook her head, almost imperceptibly.
"Until you're in remission, then."
"Until I'm worm food," Izzy said. She chewed on a thumbnail. "Although one textbook I read said three months, four at the outside. Statistically speaking, that seems to be the norm. It varies a lot, of course. I'm just assuming the worst."
"Shut up, Izzy. Shut up. This is not about statistics. This is you. You are not going to die, not tomorrow, not in four months or six months or seven years." I took her hand and held it so hard she winced. "Doctors can be wrong, they're wrong all the time. They tell people this crap and then patients end up outliving them."
Izzy sighed. "Al, that happened on The Young and the Restless last summer."
"Still, you can't know this for sure," I said. "They have to do biopsies. You don't even know if it's malignant yet."
"True. But judging from what I know so far... I'm just saying it's likely that the prognosis isn't all that promising."
The air was wet and thick. My breath came in gasps.
"What is the matter with you?" I struggled to my feet, gesturing wildly. "You're acting like this is a done deal, like it's over."
"It's just that I've had a while to let it sink in. A couple of weeks ago, they told us this was likely. Today was just the grand finale. Give it time."
"No, I will not give it time!" I was screaming.
"The problem is," Izzy continued philosophically, "nobody talks about dying. I mean, let's face it, it's a bummer. I'd rather talk about Congress, or Eddie Vedder, or those sandals at Dillard's-you know, the black ones that cost about two thousand bucks?" She lay back in the sand. In the waning light, her dark hair could have been a pool of water. "We pretend we're immortal because it's easier.
"We are immortal, Izzy, we're juniors."
She smiled.
I tried again. "They're doing all that gene research. You could get into one of those experimental drug projects."
"Yeah, I asked my doc about it. I'm going to Miami for more tests. Maybe I'll ask there. Of course, even if I did get into one, there's no guarantee it'd work." She rolled onto her side. "But I'd like to feel...you know, like I'd done my part for science and all that. I would rather have found the cure for cancer myself, but hey, I'll be a guinea pig if I have to."
I dropped my knees. The sand was already cool, but the sky still simmered with color.
"That's the only thing that pisses me off," Izzy said softly. "I'd wanted to do... well, great things."
I sat beside her. "Iz, you are great things already."
"You can do the great things for both of us," Izzy said. "Don't forget the twin guys in Paris, okay?"
"You are not gone. You are here. You are going to get better."
"Also, the skydiving. No, let's make the skydiving optional. The twins are enough pressure."
"I want to start this day over," I said. "I want to backspace it out of existence."
Suddenly I thought of Sam. He had been part of this day too, this day I wanted to erase. I tried to remember his quiet smile or the feel of my arms around his waist, but all I could remember was his bike flying through the air in a beautiful, deadly arc.
The moon was getting braver, taking on color and light. Izzy pointed to the spot where the turtles had hatched the summer before. "Think they'll come back?"
"They always do. Late spring they start laying, remember?" Izzy nodded. "Think I'll see them hatch?"
"You'll see them."
"If I don't," Izzy whispered, "you can do it for me, Al. The twins, the skydiving, the turtles. Don't forget, okay? Especially the twins."
"You'll be here. You can do it yourself."
"Maybe you're right. You couldn't handle twins."
"Please, Izzy. Hope. For me. It's way too soon to stop hoping."
Izzy sat up. She shook sand out of her hair. We watched the moon trip lightly along the water. I cried softly. Izzy just hugged her knees, swaying slightly. I could feel her watching me.
"When do the turtles hatch?" she asked.
"Mid- or late summer."
"Sooner, ever?"
"Not usually."
Izzy nodded, as if she'd come to a decision. "Okay, then," she said. "Okay, Al. I'll be here."
Chapter 3
Soon, rumours were going around about Izzy's illness. Sam also introduced himself to Izzy. Izzy liked him! Though she wasted the opportunity to ask him out. In the afternoon, Izzy had to go to Miami for a surgery.
Chapter 4
It was raining the whole week. Alison gave Sam a lift home. Alison found out that Izzy's illness was very serious and that she won't live long. No one wanted to tell Izzy about that.
Chapter 5
Sam and Alison went on a 'date'. Alison had once told Sam that manatees in the world are depleting because of human doings. Sam had never seen a manatee and so suggested that Alison could bring him to see one. And so, after Sam had his bike repaired, Sam suggested that she brought him to look for manatees-on his bike.
Chapter 6
The police caught Sam's grandfather, Morgan, for driving forty-five. Alison was introduced to Morgan and his pets-a parrot and 4 dogs. Morgan tried flirting with Alison and suggested that Sam bring Alison for a dance. Maybe the Valentine's Day dance. Sam blushed.
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That night Izzy called. She was really jazzed about coming home and going back to school. The doctors were all over her about not taking on too much too soon, but she couldn't wait. I promised her we'd go out and buy lots of cool bandannas and scarves and turbans. We considered the merits of one of those curly pink taffy wigs. Funny to us, sure, but what if no one else got the joke?
I wanted to tell her about Sam, I swear I did.
I'd been kissed only twice before, once at a beach party (hyperactive tongue, excess saliva, Blistex aftertaste) and once by a guy at science camp who'd harboured a secret crush on me (no tongue, dry lips, raspberry Bubblicious aftertaste).
But this, this had been a real kiss. Every time I thought about it, I got shuddery and woozy and somebody started trampolining off my stomach.
Sounds awful, I know. It wasn't.
I felt like I'd travelled somewhere I had never been before. Like I'd finally been to camp, if you know what I mean.
I should tell Izzy, I kept thinking as we talked about the dirty movies available on the hotel TV-did she dare order one?-and the tedious, terrifying mechanics of radiation therapy.
I should have told her from the start. I should have said, "Izzy, something magical happened between Sam and me that day in the groove." But I didn't because I knew it wasn't what she wanted to hear right then.
It wasn't like I didn't know that waiting might make things worse. I'd sat through two sweaty hand-holdings, that bubble gum wisp of a kiss, and a breathy, confessional mash note before I'd gotten up the nerve to explain to the science camp guy that I was already involved. (I couldn't just say I wasn't interested, could I?) Why hadn't I just told him? he'd moaned. Camp was only six week long, and he'd wasted two and a half seducing me-all the good ones would be taken.
While Izzy went on about an orderly who'd told her he liked bald chicks, I heard a soft rap on the window by my bed. I peeled back the shade. There, just visible in a veil of orange moonlight, was Sam.
His bike was behind him. I knew he must have turned it off and wheeled it across the lawn, or else my dad would have been already cross-examining him. Sam pointed to the helmet he was obediently wearing, then took it off and grinned, a little sheepishly.
"The thing is," Izzy was saying, "this orderly is coming on to me because I'm hairless. I mean, talk about your basic sick weasel."
I laughed even as I pulled up the window. The warm, flowery air billowed the shade. Sam put his hand to the screen. I put my hand over his. It fit inside it nicely.
"What a jerk," I said into the receiver.
"Hi," Sam whispered.
"Hi," I mouthed back.
"I just wanted to see you before I went to sleep," he said. We stood there like that for long seconds. Our fingers were separated by the cool mesh screen, but I could still feel the heat of his palm.
After a while he put on his helmet, turned his bike around, and wheeled it silently across the lawn.
I though about how he'd said he was good at watching out for people. And I thought my instincts had been right, very right, that day in the grove.
"Guys," Izzy said. "Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find one. Especially now."
"You will," I said softly.
"You think?" Izzy sighed.
"We both will," I said, watching as Sam slipped away into the warm, black night.
Chapter 7
Iz was due to return home and so Alison decided to have a welcome-back nonparty for her. Alison had decided to invite Sam too. The party went well.
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I hung up the phone and sighed. I had to tell her. I knew I had to tell her.
By the time Friday rolled around I was frantic. The Valentine's Day dance was the next night. Lunchtime, I decided. I would bring it up casually, a throwaway remark: "By the way-you won't believe this, Iz, it's got to be some kind of miracle- but I'm going to the dance with Sam. No, really, it's no big deal...."
That day the honor society was selling carnations in the lunchroom to would-be romantic types. A white carnation signified friendship, pink was liking, red was all-out lust. Girls sent them to guys, guys to girl, and all day long they were delivered to classes by members of the honor society.
"I hate all this Hallmark schmaltz," Izzy commented at lunch. She sighed. "So how come nobody sends me anything?"
"Maybe because you hate all this Hallmark schmaltz."
Izzy grinned. She was wearing a Marlins baseball cap that day. I thought she looked a little paler then usual.
"I'm getting some more juice. Want some?" I asked.
Izzy shook her head. "You know, the Valentine's Day dance is tomorrow. Remember how I was going to ask Sam? Whatever happened to that?"
I stood and grabbed my wallet. Say it, Alison.
"I guess I lost my nerve," Izzy continued. "Do you think he was flirting with me at the party? Or was that just pity? He borrowed my French notes yesterday, did I tell you? Talk about the blind leading the blind. He's missed more school than I have. I wonder what the deal is?"
"Be right back," I said, retreating.
Tell her, you idiot, tell her, I scolded myself. Standing there in the stewed-cabbage stench of the lunchroom, it all seemed so obvious. I may have had good intentions originally, but now those good intentions were just going to make things a whole lot worse.
I paid for my cranberry juice and was making my way back down the aisle when I noticed Sam. Sam's back, actually. He was standing at the carnation table, bent over, writing on one of the little cards they attached to the flowers. Next to him stood Steve, Izzy's physics partner, all earnest concentration.
For me? I thought for a split second, then, Please, no. That wasn't how I wanted Izzy to find out.
I rejoined Izzy. She was checking her reflection in a knife. "Is it just me, or do I have a little bit of a Morticia thing going here with the white face?"
"Pinch your cheeks," I advised.
"Check it out." Izzy nudged me. "Sam and Steve at the flower table, did you see?"
I glanced over my shoulder and shrugged, nicely indifferent.
"I briefly entertained the notion that Sam was buying something for me, but I don't think conjugating aller makes for a real commitment. Do you?"
"You never know. Aren't you going to eat your cake?"
"Not hungry. Steve's there, too. He's probably buying my traditional white carnation. We send each other one every year so we don't feel left out."
"Maybe there's more to Steve than meets the eye," I suggested.
"Steve? No way. We're just good buds, you know that."
"You sure? He has a pet name for you."
"Dumbo is not a pet name. It's a term of ridicule."
"Still-"
"Nah. I've tried to look at him that way, but I can tell it would be like NutraSweet love. You know-you convince yourself it's okay, then there's this weird aftertaste." She nodded toward the carnation table. "Now, with Sam over there, it's a different story. Look out, he's coming.
"Who?" I asked, knowing.
"Sam the man." She turned and waved.
"Sam smiled as he approached, a nice, generic, collective smile that encompassed us both. He handed Izzy a grey notebook.
"Thanks," he said. "You saved my butt."
"I can't think of a butt I'd rather...Oh never mind," Izzy said with laugh. "I just can't pull off the Mae-West-meets-Madonna thing." She pulled back a chair. "Join us?"
"I've gotta get going," I said quickly, standing. It was way too easy to imagine where this conversation could lead. "I've got to clean out my locker."
"Me too," Sam said.
"What? Are we having an inspection?" Izzy asked.
"No, I meant I have to go," Sam said. "As in off campus."
"Cutting classes again?" Izzy chided.
"I've got a reputation to uphold. I've already had a nice heart-to-heart with Lutz about my unexcused absences."
"Well," I said. "Gotta go."
"I'll walk out with you," Sam offered.
"Give me a sec, I'll come too," Izzy said.
"No," I said quickly. "When I say go, I meant, you know-go." I pointed to the rest room in the corner.
Izzy looked at Sam hopefully. "You could keep me company while I don't eat my cake," she suggested.
"Sure," Sam said, giving me a confused glance. "For a minute. Then I gotta get moving."
I beat a quick retreat to the bathroom. I stayed in there a long time, long enough to talk to myself yet again into doing what I knew I had to do. I would explain the whole thing to Izzy, how'd I'd wanted to protect her, how it hadn't worked out exactly the way I'd planned.
I gathered up my books and was just about to leave when the door burst open, nearly flattening two sophomores lavishing attention on a shared Marlboro. Izzy stood in the doorway. She held up a huge bouquet of red carnations triumphantly.
"Read the card!" she screeched. "Read it nice and slow, so I can take in the exquisite poetry of it all."
She handed me the little card with a Xeroxed heart and arrow on the cover, courtesy of the art department.
Love, Sam.
I looked up at Izzy's deliriously happy face.
"'Love, Sam,'" I read.
"Say it again."
"'Love,'" I said, extra slowly, "'Sam.'"
It was one of those pictures that lock into your mental photo album forever. Izzy, in a cloud of Marlboro smoke, her baseball cap just a little crooked, the bouquet cradled in her arms like a newborn. Smiling in a way that told you she'd forgotten, for that blissful, impossible moment, about being sick.
"You sure it says 'love'?" she asked.
"It says 'love,'" I confirmed.
"It was so sweet! He walked away, very casual, and I was throwing my lunch in the recyclables bin, and all of a sudden this guy from the flower table comes over and says, 'Weren't you sitting there a minute ago?' And I say yeah, and he says, 'These are for you.' And when I got done peeing my pants, I read the card, and then I looked all over for him, but he was gone. Too shy to stick around, isn't that cute?"
I closed my eyes, then opened them. Izzy was still standing there, clutching the bouquet. What was going on? Why had Sam done this?
"It's a miracle," Izzy said. Her eyes glowed feverishly. Tiny beads of perspiration covered her upper lip.
I gave her a hug. The sweet-bitter smell of the flowers, crushed between us, filled the smoky air.
"'Love, Sam,'" she said amazed. And then her smile went flat and her eyes rolled back in her head and she slipped through my arms to the floor.
Chapter 8
Izzy fainted and was brought to the hospital. Alison found out that the bouquet of red flowers from Sam were supposedly for her. She was relieved. The people at the carnation table had screwed up on deliveries. Sam had to lie to Izzy and her family, who had thought the flowers, was for Izzy, so that no one would get hurt. After the visiting hours were over, Sam wanted to talk to Alison.
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I gave Sam directions to Turtle Beach. It was still nice and hot, and we sat on the sand and let the water play over our bare feet. Sam was very quiet, which was good, because it gave me time to fine-tune and idea that was percolating in my brain.
"A lot of loggerhead turtles nest around here," I said at last. "Izzy and I monitored a nest up there late last spring. The mother turtle comes from thousands of miles away to the beach where she was born. She lays her eggs, and then when they hatch about sixty days later, the baby turtles head straight for the water. It's incredible to watch." I paused. "This year, Izzy may not...she may be, you know, too sick."
Sam scooped up a handful of sand and let it rain down softly on my toes. "Alison, you can't let Izzy believe something that isn't true. It isn't right-not for her, not for any of us."
"Just hear me out," I said. "What if you-just for a little while, I mean; you don't have to marry her-what if you pretended you were interested in Iz, maybe went out with her a few times? It's not like it would take a lot of acting skill, Sam. After all, she's funny and brilliant-did you know she was a Westinghouse semifinalist? And you have to admit, she is beautiful."
"Well, she's no you."
I laughed. "Yeah, she's the beautiful swan, and I'm more, say, gerbilesque."
Sam abandoned the sand. He moved closer to me, so close I could feel his warm breath on my cheek. "You are beautiful, Alison, just for the record. Izzy is too, in a different way. But don't ask me to lie to her. I can't. It's not right."
I watched a young couple walk arm in arm down the wet brown sand. "Have you ever been in love, Sam?"
He wrapped his fingers in my hair, and an electric tingle travelled the length of my spine. "Funny you should ask," he whispered. "As a matter of fact, I think I am right now."
I let myself savor the sweetness of the words. Then I fixed my gaze on Sam. "Well, Izzy never has," I said. "I don't know why. Maybe she intimidates guys, who knows."
Sam trailed his fingers down my arm. "I don't want to know about Izzy. I want to know about Alison."
"Funny you should ask," I said softly.
Sam took my face in his hands.
"Wait, Sam. Wait. I have to tell you something. It's about Izzy." I felt my voice losing power. I didn't want to say it out loud because that would make it real. "She's going to die, Sam. Soon. She has only a couple of months. And she doesn't...her parents won't tell her."
Sam pulled away and stared out at the water. "I'm sorry, Alison," he whispered. "I'm really sorry."
"All I'm asking is that you spend some time with her. Get to know her. She's so great. And she deserves to know what it's like to really care about someone. She's know what it was like to have a boyfriend ... and I know she likes you."
I was crying. Damn, I thought. I didn't want to cry because I wasn't sure why I was doing it. I wanted to know it was for Izzy and not for me.
"Izzy deserves better," Sam said. "She deserves more than a stand-in."
"She does," I replied, my voice hoarse. "She deserves to go to college and win a Nobel prize and have kids and travel the world and grow old. But that's not going to happen, is it?"
Sam took in a long breath. "Why are you really doing this?"
"Because ... because she's my best friend and I love her and she's dying."
"So you're willing to give up whatever it is that's going on between us?"
"I don't want to give you up," I said. "I just want to share you for a while."
Sam stared at me. His gaze was flat and impenetrable. "That's not how it works, Alison."
Before I could answer, Sam was already striding across the beach. The soft sand filled in each footstep as quickly as he left it, as if he'd never really been there at all.
Chapter 9
Morgan rode on his horse, Clementine, and was caught by the police again.
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Sam leaned toward me. He cupped my face in his hands, gazing at me as if he were seeing me for the first time. The barest breeze rustled the grass. After a moment he let go and we sat there silently, watching as Sara marched the dogs across the field.
"I'm sorry," Sam said suddenly.
"About what?"
"Izzy and all that. I want to help. I just ... I couldn't pretend that way."
"It was probably dumb. Demented, you might even say."
"Not demented. Noble." Sam grinned, but I could tell he was serious. "Altruistic."
I thought about my mom's words the day before. "Not so noble."
"What do you mean?"
"Maybe there's a little amount of guilt mixed in."
"What kind of guilt?"
I shifted uncomfortably. "Part of it is that it seems wrong to have something good happen to me right now. You now, when something so bad is happening to someone I care about."
"And the other part?"
"Never mind. I'll sound like I'm twelve."
Sam smiled knowingly.
"Okay, guilt as in..." I hesitated. "As in I liked you from the day we met, but then only a few hours after that, Izzy said she liked you, and I didn't want to bring it up because she'd just found out about being sick." I came up for air.
"You like me."
"Yes." I love you, I added silently.
"And now you're willing to give me up for the good of mankind."
"No. For the good of Izzy." I opened the door. "Look, I should get back to my car," I said. "I'll go get Sara."
Sam drummed his fingers on the wheel. I could see he was making his way to a decision about something.
"Alison," he said at last, "I have bad feelings about this. I think it's a mistake. Not for you and me, but for Izzy." He paused briefly, then added, "Whatever we do, we have to make sure we don't hurt her."
Suddenly I realised what he was saying. I felt a strange, combustible mixture of elation and defeat.
"Of course we have to make sure we don't hurt her," I said softly.
"You're still convinced this is a good idea?"
"She likes you, Sam. Just go out with her, have fun, let her have a boyfriend for a little while. It's only ..." I struggled for a gentle word. "It's only temporary."
We gazed at each other silently, realising what that meant.
"So," Sam said at last. "I guess this means the dance is off, huh?"
"You can't dance, anyway. Besides, if we went, the word would get out, and Izzy would be bound to hear about it."
Sam got out of the car. He came to me, took my hand, and pulled me close. "You do realise I'm in love with you, right?"
He kissed me then, an urgent, long kiss, and I let myself forget about everything, everything in the world.
Even Izzy.
Sam pulled away. He looked at me, pure concentration. "Now that we've got that out of the way, you can give me Izzy's number."
Chapter 10
Izzy came back to school after the collapse she had in school. Sam had asked Izzy out for a date. It was what Izzy called perfect. Alison was happy that her best friend felt the same way happy and thought that Sam and her had done the right thing.
Chapter 11
Four weeks passed. I saw Izzy less because she saw Sam more. She thought she was falling in love. I told her I thought she deserved it.
She was getting sicker, you could see that. Already there had been a couple of seizures, both at home. Her right leg sometimes dragged a bit when she walked. Occasionally she slurred her words just the tiniest bit. But despite the headaches, the steady weight loss, and the terrible fatigue, in a strange, bizarre way, I don't think I'd ever seen her happier. She was always laughing, always trying to stay in high gear, almost as if she was trying to milk every precious moment.
Sometimes I thought I saw a ragged edge to all the manic moments, like watching an actress fall momentarily out of character. But I chided myself when I thought those things. Was I looking for a snag in her happiness, a sign all wasn't well in the relationship I'd fostered?
I hoped not. I hoped I was letting go of Sam, sharing him the way I'd promised myself I would. Freely, out of love for Izzy, no questions asked, there would be time enough for Sam and me. We had all the time in the world. Izzy didn't.
After a while I got used to seeing Izzy and Sam whispering, holding hands, doing the things people falling for each other do. He and I never talked, unless it was in Izzy's presence. He didn't even acknowledge me in the halls. It was as if, having switched his attentions to Izzy, Sam couldn't deal with me on any level, not even as a friend. After their first date he'd taken me aside in the hall to explain that he had to keep his distance from me. It was too hard, he'd said, too complicated otherwise.
It hurt. I have to admit it hurt in a way I'd never hurt before, a dull, empty ache that never went away. But it was nothing, nothing like the pain I knew Izzy was silently enduring. That's all I had to remember when I saw Sam's long fingers tangle with hers, or watched him kiss her so tenderly I'd wonder if he'd ever really cared for me at all.
At times like that I would feel the awful hot-steel burn of jealousy. But then I would look at the black half-moons under Izzy's eyes and her sweet, off-kilter baseball cap, and I would wonder what kind of horrible person lived inside me that I could even feel such a thing.
One time, soon after Sam and Izzy started dating, a bunch of us were in the lunchroom together. I was sitting next to Izzy. She said something that made us all laugh, and all of a sudden, Sam leaned forward to kiss her. He cradled her face in his hands and kissed her long and slow while we all watched, a little embarrassed, a little fascinated.
While he was kissing her he opened his eyes and looked right at me. I didn't know what I saw in his eyes at that moment-hurt?anger?- but I knew I didn't like it. And I knew I didn't like the acid grip of regret and jealousy I felt, looking at them together. I'd stopped feeling noble. At that moment I just felt angry.
I got up and leave before the kiss ended. I was halfway across the lunchroom by the time Izzy could call out to me. I slipped out the door as fast as I could, pretending not to hear.
Late one afternoon I was working on an English essay when I heard a familiar noise slice the air. I looked out my window and saw Sam talking to Sara in the driveway. My mom tapped on my door.
"Al?"
"I heard."
She peered inside. "Shall I tell him you're coming?"
I stared at my notebook. "Tell him I'm not here, okay?"
She gave me that disappointed look that mothers have a patent on.
"Don't," I said.
"What?" All innocence.
"Look at me that way. That superior mother-knows-best way. This is working, Izzy is totally in love with Sam, I do not have anything to say to him, end of story."
She joined me on the bed. "What if Sam's not in love with Izzy? What if this isn't working, and that's what Sam wants to tell you? Whatever happens, you don't want Iz to be hurt, now, do you?"
I sighed. "Fine. I'll talk to him in the driveway. But do me a favour and don't invite him to dinner, okay?"
"I would never humiliate you that way. We're having left-over goulash."
I checked the mirror. I looked like ... well, like leftover goulash. Not that it mattered.
"What's up?" I said when I reached the porch. Sara was sitting on Sam's motorcycle, doing her best Evel Knievel impersonation.
Sam hooked his thumbs in his pockets. "I wondered if we could talk."
"I've got that English thing due tomorrow. I'm kind of swamped."
"A few minutes, that's all. I was just over at Izzy's."
"She's okay?" I asked in alarm.
"She's okay. Real tired. She's having more trouble with her right side. But you know Iz. She's pretending everything's fine." He locked eyes with me. "Me, I'm not so good at that."
"I don't think we want to have this talk."
"I don't think we have a choice."
Without a word I turned, held open the screen door him and led him into the house. "Sam, Mom. Mom, Sam."
"Hi ... I guess it's Dr. Chapman, right?" Sam said, extending his hands.
"I'm flexible," my mom said. "I'm sorry Alison's dad isn't here to meet you, Sam. He used to own a Harley himself."
Sam looked impressed.
"Don't think he's cool. He sold it for a VW." I gestured toward the porch. "Come on. We can talk out back." I sent my mom a look meant to ensure total privacy.
We sat on the patio furniture in the backyard, face to face, a white plastic table separating us. "Alison," Sam said without preamble, "I miss you."
"I miss you too, Sam," I said, struggling to sound neutral.
"At first I was just hurt and really angry with you for suggesting the whole thing with Izzy. But after a while the hurt started to go away and I realised I just plain missed being able to talk to you."
"So why have you been avoiding me?"
Sam rubbed his temples. "Because it's too much, it's too confusing."
I tapped my fingers on the table. "Izzy's in love with you, you know."
"I know. But I'm still not sure this is a good idea."
"Why not?"
"Because I..." Sam rolled his head back and closed his eyes. "Because this is all getting so complicated. Because I miss you."
"This isn't about us right now."
"I feel like Izzy deserves the whole truth," Sam said.
"Whatever that is."
"Why do you have to make things harder? It's working. It's working fine."
He leaned forward, studying me. "I don't know how to say this, Alison."
"Your feelings for me don't matter right now," I interrupted, paving the way to the place I knew he was going. "There'll be time enough-"
"You don't understand. I do still have feelings for you." He gave a wry smile. "Major feelings. But that's not the problem. The problem is, I'm ... guess I'm starting to have feelings for Izzy too."
He looked at me for absolution. I could see the pain in his face. I could hear it in his voice.
I didn't react. I didn't want him to know that at that moment I wanted to take everything back. Hearing him say the words out loud, I realised that I don't want him to love Izzy. At least not the same way he loved me ... the way I'd thought he loved me. I wanted him back. For myself. Suddenly I didn't want to share him anymore.
I don't think I've hated myself as much as I did at that moment.
I reached for his hands and squeezed it. "But this is good, this is great," I said, forcing lightness into my voice. "This is what I thought might happen. Of course you're falling for Izzy. She's beautiful and brilliant and hey, she's my best friend. I've got good taste when it comes to friends." I laughed brightly. "This is good, Sam. God, don't fight it."
"This isn't what I wanted to happen. I wanted you."
"It's okay, Sam. Really."
Sam pounded his fist on the table. It rocked back and forth on the cement porch. "I'm not like you," he said, jumping to his feet. "I like things nice and simple. I love you. I want to be with you. I know we're trying to do what's best for Izzy and I know she's a great girl and I know it's natural I would be attracted to her, but damn it, Alison, it was supposed to be you and me. And you've managed to make it messy and complicated and impossible."
I watched him pace past me. It isn't me, I thought. Sam was the one who was making things impossible.
"Maybe that's how love is," I said. "Maybe it's always messy. I don't know."
"What about Izzy?" Sam asked. "I mean, here we are, all tiptoeing around her like she's an imbecile, pretending she's just got a hangnail. In the meantime, she's practically picking out wedding dresses. Don't you think maybe she deserves the whole truth about you and me?"
I clenched my fists. "I don't see the dishonesty. You honestly have feelings for Izzy. Fine. And no one's told her she's cured or that she's going to live forever. No one's lied about that. So what's wrong with letting her be happy for a little bit?"
"It's wrong if you can't be happy. Eventually she'll sense it, eventually she'll know you resent her and she won't quite know why. Or-or I'll be kissing her and thinking of you or something, and it'll be like one of those bad movies where you blurt out the wrong name."
"Or maybe you'll just be kissing her and thinking of her," I said calmly. "Maybe that's what you're afraid of." It was my turn to stand. "I won't resent Izzy eventually, Sam, because this was my choice. Besides, there is no eventually. Eventually implies time. And Izzy doesn't have any."
"And what about when she ... if she..."
"Shut up. This is goulish, it's horrible."
"What if I fall in love with her, Alison?" Sam whispered.
"Then maybe you weren't ever really in love with me."
Sam spun on his heel and headed for the side yard, taking long, fast strides. I followed him to the driveway. Sara was still sitting on the bike.
"How's Morgan?" she asked.
"He's okay. He had a lot of fun with you that day."
"Maybe we cold come by sometime."
"Maybe." Sam put on his helmet, and Sara relinquished the bike to him.
"Is he really all right?" I asked.
Sam looked at me sharply. "We've had a lot of talks, he's promised to behave. It's cool."
"Izzy told me there'd been some problem with him wandering off again."
"I said everything's fine." Sam started the bike , and the air vibrated with sound.
"If you need any help-"
"I don't think so."
Sam nodded at Sara and took off in a blur of noise. She watched him go, head cocked, squinting as he vanished down the road.
"I don't get it," she said.
"What?"
"I don't get you and him and Izzy."
"I told you, Sara. He likes Izzy now."
"But I thought he liked you." She had the look of someone who knew she was being lied to, but couldn't quite figure out how.
"It's complicated, Sara." I sat on the front steps. "You reach this point in your life and then, bam, everythin's really complicated. Sometimes I wish I could have stayed your age forever."
"Ten isn't so great. Ten pretty much sucks. You might as well be invisible." She grabbed her basketball, which was wedged under a bush, and began to dribble. "You think maybe sometime we could see Morgan and the animals again?" she asked casually.
"Someday, maybe. But not right away."
Sara dribbled faster, making a tight circle on the driveway. "Al, I've got this game coming up soon, a big tournament." Her voice was neutral. "Can you come? On a Saturday morning?"
"Sure."
"Really?"
"Of course, Sara."
"You want to play some ball?"
"I don't think so. I've got and essay to finish." I headed for the door.
"Al?" Sara called. She stopped dribbling.
"Yep?"
"How come we can't go back to see Morgan?"
"It's kind of-"
"Never mind, I know." Sara shrugged. "It's complicated."
Chapter 12
The police caught Morgan because he was found on Clementine again. Sam had called Alison to help him bail Morgan out and also to take care of Morgan till Sam could be let off work. Alison missed her sister's basketball tournament because of it.
Chapter 13
Alison told Sam that Izzy had gone to Miami and that she was going to die. Morgan lent his Cadillac to Alison so that she could get to Miami. Or maybe Izzy. Sam drove. It took them five hours thirty-five minutes to reach Miami. And by the time they reached, it was already dark.
Chapter 14
After Sam and Alison visited Izzy, they sat together outside the hospital and talked. They were not relieved. They were still worried.
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Four days later Izzy slept into a coma. A week and a half after that, she died. They had a traditional service at a church, but afterward we all went down to the beach and Lauren and Miguel scattered her ashes there.
They hadn't want to. Sam and I had had to convince them that was what Izzy had wanted. In the end they relented, and I was glad we could do something for Izzy even when she was gone. Rosa said it was sacrilegious, but even she came down to the beach with us.
I picked up Sam in the car, now repaired, so he could bring Morgan along. He wasn't sure Morgan would understand, but he'd fond of Izzy, so it seemed like the right thing to do.
The day was hot and thick and overcast. Every so often there would be the slightest wind, a sigh and nothing more.
I led the group-friends and relatives, a few teachers-to the right spot on the sand. We looked silly in our stiff, formal clothes while fifty feet away from on the beach, people lay on Budweiser towels, slathering on coconut oil and praying for sun.
Miguel stood on a slight rise, waiting for a breeze. In his hands he clasped a small blue glass urn. Grasses teased our legs, sand swamped our shoes. Some people sobbed, but no one spoke. We'd already done all the singing and praying and crying we could do.
We waited. The surf churned listlessly. Morgan shifted, Rosa moaned, Gail blew her nose.
Suddenly the grass began to whisper and move. Two stubby screw pines rocked. A cool wind came to us, blowing our skirts and ties and tangling our hair. Miguel opened the little urn and swooped out his arm and Izzy's ashes caught on the breeze.
We watched, silent and hopeful. I guess we all wanted one of those TV-movie miracles where the clouds open up and the sun pours forth, something nice and symbolic to put a period on the moment. But after a few seconds we realised we were going to have to settle for that halfhearted gust of wind.
Slowly the group dispersed. Sara took Morgan down to the beach to look for shark teeth. Sam came over to me, looking uncomfortable in his suit and tie. "Are you ready to go?" he asked.
"I want to say good-bye to Lauren and Miguel."
"Can you give me a little more time? I was going to see if I could talk to Rosa for a minute."
"Sure."
I watched Sam cross the sand. It was sweet of him to go console Rosa, I thought, and then I remembered that she worked at a nursing home. I wondered if maybe he and his mom had come to some kind of decision about Morgan. We'd barely spoken since that night at the hospital.
Lauren and Miguel and my parents talked for a long time, and then Lauren came over tome. She pulled a manila envelope from her purse. "Izzy wanted me to give you this."
I gave her a hug and then I went to sit at a quiet place near the waves. Inside the envelope was the map of Paris I'd given her. There was a note paper-clipped to the top.
Al-
You and Sam will be needing this.
Thanks for sharing. I love you,
Iz
Chapter 15
On a midsummer night three months later, the kind where the moon is so bright that sleeping is out of the question, Sam and I went back to Turtle Beach. Many of the loggerhead nests had already hatched, but the one near Izzy's spot was still quiet. We spread out an old blanket I'd brought. I sat between Sam's legs, leaning against his broad chest as if it were a chair, and he put his hands around me and we waited.
I ran my hands along his arms and laced my fingers through his. "Maybe tonight," I said. "Most of the others have hatched already."
"Could be a dud," he said, just to provoke me.
"Not here. Not on Izzy's beach."
He parted my hair and trailed kisses down my neck, soft as first rain, and I shivered. I felt like I'd been sitting there all my life. Like nothing on the planet mattered in the least except for the fact that I could feel the steady surge of his heart against my back.
"What did your mom say this morning when she left?" I asked.
"She still wants me to come back to Detroit, but if I want to stay with Jane, it's okay with her. We can work out the school transfer and stuff. Mom told me she understands that I want to stick around and visit Morgan."
"What did you say?"
He brushed his lips against my hair. "I told her that's not the only reason I want to stick around."
"The great beaches, you mean."
He laughed. "Actually, I meant I have to finish up summer school if I intend to be a senior this fall."
I elbowed him and tried to get away and then he was on top of me, kissing me so tenderly I thought I would melt right into the sand and be lost forever. After a while, we rolled onto our sides, cupped into each other's warmth, his arms cradling me.
Suddenly Sam jerked up. "What?" I asked.
"The nest."
I sat up on my knees. The spot, carefully marked with stakes to keep out trespassers, was smooth and silent.
"You're hallucinating," I said.
"No, I swear I saw something."
I gave him a dubious look. "You think this is crazy, don't you?"
"Hey, I liked the manatees, remember?"
"You never saw any manatees."
"I saw a milk bottle that bore an amazing resemblance to a manatee."
We lay down again, our eyes on the nest, waiting.
"That time last summer when Iz and I saw them hatch, it was great," I said. "They just pop up of the sand, dozens of these little guys, and go sprinting off to the water. It's amazing."
Sam trailed his fingers down my bare arm. "I miss her," he said.
"Me too," I whispered. "Did you ever come her with Izzy? Like this, at night?"
"No." he stroked my cheek with rough fingertips. "Just you."
"I wish you had," I said. "She would have liked it."
He smiled. "We are one very strange couple, aren't we?"
I turned to him and kissed him, slowly, lingeringly, my hands running over the hard, smooth curves and angles of his body. It wasn't like that first kiss so many months before. This one was big and complicated and full of colours and texture. It held stories in it, and memories, and that made it even better.
Suddenly Sam clutched my arm. "Look. The sand. It's moving."
"Oh, my God, you're right."
"Told you," he said. "Now what?"
"Now we wait some more."
Sam took my hand and kissed my fingers, slowly, tenderly.
"I love you," I said.
"I love you, too," he said. "I loved you from that first day you rescued me. And I never stopped."
I smiled. "Have you ever been to Paris, Sam?"I asked, but he didn't have time to answer, because all at once the turtle hatchlings were erupting from the sand as if they were being spewed from a tiny volcano.
They darted toward the water, crazed with life. Their wet, soft shells caught the moonlight and were turned into scampering stars. We watched, laughing, as they made their way across the beach, Izzy's beach, to the dark, vast mystery beyond.
The End
IYLIA @ 8:42 AM;
Monday, June 21, 2004
heyya..ive missed blogin..kinda a while..oh well..anw..first i would like to say sth
HAPPY FATHERS' DAY TO MY DEARIE DAD!! [20june]
HAPPY BDAE TO DEARIE MOM!!![19june]
HAPPY BDAE TO GRACE!!! MISS YOU!![18june]
AND HAPPY BDAE TO CECILIA BASARI!!![16june]
yea.. damn..hahha..didnt get anyone anithing..heheh..sory ppl..haha..anw..im really tired. now..went to msia last two days..and i came back with a much shorter hair.. hahha.. damn.. i dunno.. it's bbiigg..hahha..wateva..anw..im off now.. byez..
reply to those who have gladly tagged my b0ard!!
izz: yea!! i missed seeing CHIOBU!! hahaha!! and thnx bout e layout.
tanu: i MISS YOU TANU!!!
lene:yea..capt..ass capt..haha..nice one..hehe.. u still shootin!! dats good!! uve always been gd at sootin!! i h8 u!!hahah
erza: erza!! now den u realise?!! aiyoh!!!
sabrina: sab.. i didnt go!! unfair sia!! last minute they changed plans!! argh!!
syirah: wats so nice?? i dunno..but i know i love it tho..hahhsh...
IYLIA @ 5:03 PM;
Monday, June 14, 2004
heyz..ive changed my blog skin!! thought it was nice!! so here it is..heheh.. comment on it ppl!!! gtg now!! will blog tmr if my sis allows!!! hehehehh
im missing evryone at sch!!! argh!! to name a few: sya,hafizah,tanu,izzati!! cantwait till sch reopens!! i wanna see dem!!
IYLIA @ 4:40 PM;
Friday, June 11, 2004
hey hey hey...hahah..firstly sorry for e bbbiiiiigggg pic in e previous post..hahah.. i was in a hurry and i wanted the pic to be up..so yea... aniwaes..ydae had trainin.. whoa.. had friendly wif CHIJ O.L.G.C. yea..hahah.. e score was 36-8.. hahha.. obviously crescent was e one whu got 8..hahah.. it was a tough match..yea..aniwaes they were north zone champs.. and yea they were preparin for thier national finals comin up..so yea.. they wanted to play wif seniors but ey had trainin wif a new coach..aniwaes i dun think coach allowed..hhehe..aniwaes nice game..hahah..yea.. den aft dat took some pics wif some seniors..yea..hahha..sorry if its big again cos im in a hurry now..i'll resize another time yea..hhaaha..ok.. byez!! ENJOY UR HOLS AND SMILE ALWAES!!! :P
IYLIA @ 7:39 PM;
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
heyz..another entry by me.. i typed dis jus now usin my father's comp..and saved it in a diskette so now..here it is..ahhaha..theres another entry below..
This is what I think of my snrs!!onli my seniors!!!
Hafizah: nice/real caring/lovable siz/cute/chio
Syafeeqah: cute/chio/another lovable siz/caring/nice/lunatic
Izzati: CHIOBU/haf a real gd vocab of english/nice I guess/funny maybe
Tanushree: weird/funny/nice to talk to/happy always
Amillin: "guai"/nice to talk to/looks real matured
Sakinah: nice/weird at times/friendly
Nadiah: haha "guai" at times/really nice/friendly
Dianah: hmmz.. weird at times/nice/friendly
Dawn: funny/mad/loves to laugh..hahha
Amira: nice/lovable/happy I guess/friendly
Andrea: hmmz.. tall/real nice/scary at times/funny at times
Isabelle: hahha..weird/funny at times/nice
Riana: have a really cute laugh/funny/nice/happy always??
Kryslte Huan: oh tall/"guai" I guess/funny maybe
Hannah: really nice/mad at times/funny/friendly
Yao-en: scary sometimes/really nice I believe
May: hmmz.. funky wif her new hairstyle/nice/weird at times
Sabrina: hmmz.. quiet/weird/nice
Joanne: nice/caring/scary maybe
Haowen: funny/mad/really crazy
Shu Ping: hahaha..mad/happy/scary a lil/nice I guess
Judy: hmmz..quiet??nice??
ok i can remember anymore snrs..hahha
Aft looking at the yearbk:
Khalilah: mad/funny/really nice to talk to
Rowena: mad/funny/weird at times
Kalai: mad/funny/friendly
Ying Hui: nice/friendly/nice to talk to
Zesa: nice/friendly/scary sometimes
Delia: hmmz..nice/friendly
Prasanthi: hmmz.."guai"/quiet??/nice
Donica: hahaha "guai"/really nice/friendly
Hasyimah: funny/nice/caring I beleve
Shaminah: nice/funny/happy always/scary at times/friendly
Hakimah: funny/insane/happy always/nice to talk to
oh well..thanx for ur attention..those whom i forgt, sory eh..i cant remember evry one.. sorry..hahha..and for those whu noe me but i didnt write ur name, sorry to u too..
IYLIA @ 5:38 PM;
heyz..damn tired now..chattin wit pak chuen..hahha..a guy fr chinese high..he's kinda buggin me rite now..but im sure hes a nice guy..hahha..ok..hmmz. had trainin ydae..was ok.. learnt 3 new things... dodge,roll-over and damn i forgt e other one.. hahha.. was it steppin??/ dun think so..haha..wateva..la.. there will be a friendly against CHIJ O.L.G.C on thurs..yea.. damn..heard fr coach they are like champs for dunno wat zone.. yea..and we are... noone!! argh!! how to win?? die la..wateva...den coach sae their GD good..shortlisted for sports school..wah..even worse..i'll be playin GA!! die!! i dun thnk i'll be able to survive..hahha..wateva.. oh well anwaes..came back hm and was damn tired.. oh ya..and guess wat.. i achieved sth.. i actually wanted to pee right aft i b0arded e 970 fr sch..and u noe wat..i didnt find a toilet till e las stop!! and dat wld mean aft a 1'hr journay..hahah..onli at bukit panjang plaza did i pee..hahah.. it was an accomplishment!!! rox!!! hahha!! so0o proud of myself... it was long!! hahha..ok la.. im really tired and body achin.. hafta return sch tmr for choral reading..yea..so yea..byez den..haf fun...
aniwaes..saw chiobu ydae..hahha..happi!!! wonderful!!! Love her!!!
IYLIA @ 5:10 PM;
Thursday, June 03, 2004
harloz..ok..i have onli 20 mins to blog now..den hafta help mom in e kitchen.. yea.. urgh!! wateva..ok anyways..ydae was a total boredom!! didnt thnk vesak day was gonna be dat boring!! but i totally slacked ydae!! yea!! hahahh!! i ate, rest, slept and watched tv!! dats all i did!! and when i eat, i realli realli eat!! hahah!! i eat as if there wont be any tmr!! hahhah!! seriously i didnt watch wat i ate ydae.. hahha.. wateva i could find whenever i enter e kitchen, i wld grab it and just stuff it into my mouth!! hahah!! oh well enjoy dat moment tho!!!hahha!! den i thnk in e aftnn like at 1 or sth parents bought durians!! hahah!! love em!! i ate so0o0o much!! haah!! and it was jus too bad dat my bro was still sleepin tho cos he didnt get any!! hahah!! everythin finished!! hahah!! den guess wat!! aft e aftnn nap dat apparently my whole family had..hahha except for my bro.. when he sleep, we're awake!! when he's awake, all of us are seelping!! haha funny rite!! heheh!! oh well.. anyways aft we woke up fr our nap, everyone felt hungry!! and the bread finished liao cos we ate all as breakfast!! so parentz went out!!! and guess wat!! they came back wif MORE durians and more bread!! hahah!! luxury!! hahah we are all so0o craving for bread and durians!! hahaha oh well that was e enjoyable part the rest were total borebom!!! was dying!!! den oh ya.. syafeeqah msged me at 21:24:53.. yea..dat was e time!! yea..hahha.. was touched y e msg and told her that she made my day.. and guess wat she replied!!! ok these were her words!! exactly!! "Dun tell me u've been down again.u got serious cAse of m0odswingin dear.bt mine is worse if its at its climax.haha.u tc.n cheerup.i love my dearie iylia.nitez."..ok those were her exact words!! haha!!sorry sya!! hahha.. anyways!! i wasnt moodswingin!! i was jus bored and she made me smile!! dats why i saed she made my day!!! I WASNT MO0DSWINGIN!! oh i noe why!! everyone says i always m0odswing!!! hahah!! esp morgan!! yea!! cos i always do dat they say!! hahha!! oh watever!! i dun care!! maybe i reali do hahah!! oh well i guess dats bout it lar!! i'll add on l8er if i haf the oppotunity to do so!! ok!! byez!!
anyways..found this thing yea..it was suppose to be for my sis blog..but she aint using it.. so here it is!!
message "*~ I Never Really Knew You ~*^" +
"*~ You Where Just Another Friend ~*^" +
"*~ But When I Got To Knew You ~*^" +
"*~ I Had To Let My Heart Unbend ~*^" +
"*~ I Had To Forget My First Love ~*^" +
"*~ And Give Love Another Try ~*^" +
"*~ So I've Fallen In Love With You ~*^"+
"*~ And I'll Never Let You Go ~*^"+
"*~ I Love You More Than Anyone ~*^" +
"*~ I Just Had To Let You Know ~*^" +
"*~ And If You Ever Wonder Why ~*^" +
"*~ I Might Not Know What I'll Say ~*^" +
"*~ But I'll Never Stop Loving You ~*^" +
"*~ Each And Every Day ~*^" +
"*~ My Feelings For You Will Never Change ~*^" +
"*~ Just Know My Feelings Are True ~*^" +
"*~ And Just Remember One Thing... ~*^" +
"*~ I Really Do Love You! ~*^" +
"^"
IYLIA @ 12:10 PM;
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
helloz..oh yea..haha..feelin much better now.. hope i'll be as good as new on monday.. yea.. i dun wanna sit out for trainin.. yea.. oh well btw.. i had fun wif sister ydae.. went to raffles city to loook at e URBAN DREAM CAPSULE!!! they rawk!!! hahah!! gonna go again!!! dis week and next week!! i make sure i go!!! i made them remember me and my sis!! hahah!! they are darn cute!! esp. DAN WITTON!!! damn sia!! rock on dudes!! hehehe oh well yea.. today.. last day for talet pc trainin!! funnn!! hahah!! cant wait till sch reopens and then we get our tablet pc's!!! yahoo!!! hahha.. this part.. crescent rox!! hahah.. yea.. ok watever.. i thnk i forgt wat i wanna say.. oh well i guess dats bout it!! feelin the boredom now.. yikes!!! argh!! wateva!! i'll still stay happy always!! oh yea i will!! hahaha btw.. its JUNE LIAO!! hahah..anw SMILE ALWAYS!! =P
IYLIA @ 8:35 PM;